I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
Randomize
