My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
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