i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
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