I DON'T KNOW WHERE WE ARE WE ARE TOO FUCKING ELEVATED.
Me either! Fuck yeah, 12th and something. 12th and hamburger stand.
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Randomize
