My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
Randomize