They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
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