I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
