i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
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