i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
Randomize
