i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
Randomize
