I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
Randomize
