their songs make me feel all the things I wanna feel. Ya dig?
and what kinds of feelings would these be?
Happy, horny, occasionally hungry
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
Randomize
