Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
