Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
Randomize