a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
Randomize
