Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
Randomize
