She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
Randomize
