Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
Randomize
