OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
Liz is crying about burritos again.
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize
