two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
