One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
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