Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
Randomize
