So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
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