if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
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