if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
Randomize
