Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
My cat gives me a boner
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
I want her autograph on my taint
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
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