if i can run in heels then i can drive
i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
How many fucks given?
0.12846
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
Randomize
