If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
vagina is talking i cant
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
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