I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
I queefed so loud it echoed.
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
Randomize
