Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
Randomize
