Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
Randomize
