grandma shit on top of the toilet
Hot guy, man whore rep, huge crush, alcohol that will fuck you up. I fail to see how this could go wrong
i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
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