My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
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