Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
Randomize
