Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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