So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
Btw I puked in your glovebox
Randomize
