i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
Randomize
