I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
This is my gift to your gina
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
