she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
