He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
Don't EVER smell your tampon
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
