morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
You made out with two different species that night
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize
