Can i not drive my cunt home
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
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