DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
Randomize
