Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
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