I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Randomize
