the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
