I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
I got her a Nickelback box set.
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
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