Any of you guys fuck a 16 year old again? Because our front yard got fucked over high school style.
you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
The struggles of a small town man whore
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
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