Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
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