Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
She even gives head with a lisp.
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
Randomize
