Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
only you would photoshop your dick
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
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