at some point to night u and I have a 'meeting' too...(1-737): I hope so
Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
Randomize
