Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
Randomize
