Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
Randomize
