I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
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