I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
Randomize