you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Randomize
