My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
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