I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
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