You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
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