another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
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