I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
I can't watch pbs sober anymore
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize