ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
meet me or not, i'm out of control
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
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