come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
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