i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
Randomize
