I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Randomize
