I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize