fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
Randomize
