she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
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