i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
She's the barista slut.
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
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